Starting a conversation on a dating app can feel awkward—even for the most confident people. You may wonder: What should I say? Will it come across as boring or too forward? The good news is, making the first move in 2025 doesn’t have to be stressful or complicated. With the right mindset, a few proven strategies, and some smart phrasing, you can start conversations that lead to deeper connectio
Why Making the First Move Matters
In 2025, more dating apps are encouraging users to be proactive. Whether you're using Bumble, Hinge, or Tinder, starting the conversation is often what separates successful daters from those stuck in endless swiping.
Here’s why making the first move is essential:
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It shows confidence – People are drawn to someone who takes initiative.
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It increases your chances of matching – Many users appreciate sincerity and effort.
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It sets the tone – The first message often determines the quality of the conversation.
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It helps you stand out – In a sea of generic “hey” messages, creativity makes you memorable.
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Common Mistakes People Make When Starting a Conversation
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Just saying “Hey” or “Hi”
This shows lack of effort and doesn’t invite interaction. -
Overthinking every word
You don’t need to craft the perfect message. Be natural. -
Sending generic compliments
“Nice smile” or “You’re cute” are overused and don’t make you stand out. -
Being too forward or creepy
Avoid inappropriate comments in the first message. Respect personal space. -
Ignoring the person’s profile
If you start with something specific from their profile, it shows you’re genuinely interested.
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The Psychology Behind a Great First Message
A successful first message works because it:
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Relates to something the person cares about.
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Asks a question that invites a response.
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Shows humor or personality in a light way.
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Keeps it short—people skim through messages quickly.
Psychologists say that people respond better when they feel seen, heard, and curious. So start by engaging their interests!
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Step-by-Step Guide: Making the First Move That Works
Step 1: Study Their Profile
Take 30–60 seconds to look at their photos, prompts, or description. Find one detail you can comment on or ask about.
Example:
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If they post travel photos → “Your beach shots are amazing! Which one is your favorite destination?”
Step 2: Start With a Personalized Question
Instead of “hey,” ask something that shows you’ve paid attention.
Examples:
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“I see you love hiking! What’s your go-to trail recommendation?”
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“You mentioned you love Italian food—do you cook or just enjoy eating out?”
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Step 3: Use Humor But Keep It Light
A funny message helps break the ice and makes you feel approachable.
Examples:
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“If you could live in any fictional world, where would you go? Asking for future date planning 😉”
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“Quick question—coffee or tea? This may decide our compatibility 😄”
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Step 4: Be Playful But Respect Boundaries
Flirty messages are okay if they’re respectful and subtle.
Examples:
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“Your smile makes me curious—what’s the story behind that?”
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“You seem adventurous… care to tell me about your latest trip?”
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Step 5: Ask Open-Ended Questions
Instead of questions that invite a yes or no answer, ask ones that spark storytelling.
Examples:
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“What’s something you’re really passionate about?”
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“If you had an extra hour every day, how would you spend it?”
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Examples of First Messages That Work
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“Hey [name], I noticed you love cooking Italian dishes. If you had to recommend one for someone terrible in the kitchen, what would it be?”
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“Your hiking photos are incredible! Do you prefer mountains or coastal trails?”
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“So… coffee or tea? Your answer may affect my decision to message you again 😄.”
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“Your playlist must be fire! Any songs you’re currently obsessed with?”
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“I read your ‘about me’ and laughed out loud. What’s the funniest thing that happened to you recently?”
What to Avoid in Your First Message
❌ “Hey beautiful 😉”
❌ “What’s up?”
❌ “Wanna hook up?”
❌ “You seem perfect for me!”
Instead, focus on connecting naturally without pressure.
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Bonus Tip: Responding to First Messages
After you make the first move, the next step is to keep the conversation going. Here’s how:
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Respond within 24 hours when possible.
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Mirror their tone—if they’re funny, be playful; if they’re serious, be thoughtful.
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Ask follow-up questions based on what they shared.
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Keep it light and avoid heavy topics too early.